Garfield is not a funny cat and Marmaduke is an equally unfunny dog.

Update! Recently it has been brought to my attention that there is a new site that has successfully made Garfield a redeemable funny comic and that is Garfield minus Garfield. Jon IS crazy! (And sometimes funny!)


Ed Note: I wrote this a while ago, but didn't finish it until recently and in the effort spacing posts out and timely posts (see Super Bowl post) I've decided to wait and post it now.

I'm a firm believer that newspaper comics forever sucked with the death of Calvin and Hobbes and the death of Charles Schultz. Garfield and Marmaduke are shining examples of this. I was under impression the comics were called the "Funnies" because they had what people like to call "Jokes" in them. There are no jokes in these comics, in fact you don't even make me smile. It makes one wonder why these comics continue to be made. Maybe they're operating on a higher level, maybe the fact that they're NOT funny IS the joke, and Brad Anderson and Jim Davis are sitting in their homes laughing at all the dumb people who continue to read their comics. Probably not the case, but anyways I digress. The point of this blog entry is to introduce you, my fair reader (pluralizing may be a stretch), to two excellent websites devoted to pointing out exactly how painfully unfunny these comics are.

As far as Garfield goes, I thought it pretty dumb until I assumed that John can't actually hear Garfield. Mentally removing Garfield's thought bubbles at least made the comics somewhat bearable as it seems John isn't just weird for the sake of funny, he's certifiably insane. Sadly, that can only last so long, and Garfield still seems to be found in the paper every day. Thankfully, some crazy internet people have decided to act out Garfield strips. Behold, LasagnaCat! (Thankfully this has nothing to do with the ever-hated LOLCats, may they burn in the fiery pits of Internet hell) The live action recreations of the strips are funny because they're so not funny,(Ed Note: He loves IRONY. See if you can find the meta-double-irony in this post) but what really pushes it over the edge is the music videos that follow each strip that could only have been conceived by someone on acid.

The following site really needs no lengthy introduction, as its just some guy who's decided to explain what each Marmaduke comic means. Two of my favorites are: Marmaduke Buries Bones and Marmaduke has a lady friend. Both quality and the comments are quality as well. I think the site reached its pinacle when the author declared:

STOP
STOP IT
JESUS CHRIST STOP IT
...
BRAD ANDERSON WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
...
JESUS FUCK STOP IT
I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU
WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS
EVERYTHING YOU CREATE IS CANCER AND MADNESS
HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE

In conclusion, if there's anything I hate more than shitty, unfunny product, its shitty, unfunny product that makes someone money for an extended period of time. Goodnight.