Saturday, February 24, 2007

Television and Me

I've been meaning to post an update here for quite some time but never seemed to get around to it. It might have been the plethora of work that was piled on Week 10, it might have been the fact that I had nothing to write about, heck it may have been sheer laziness. (Ed Note: Most likely the third option here.)

Anyway, I think I've decided to discuss television and the state of it. Firstly, Studio 60 got bumped from its spot by some spud sucking micks. In NBC's defense Studio 60 was getting pretty lackluster ratings, therefore I'm going to blame the American people. What was wrong with you? Why didn't you watch this show? Let's see here: It was a good show. It was a funny show. It was a dramatic show. It was a smart show... (Ed Note: I think we've stumbled upon the problem).

I can't help but find it ironic that in the pilot for Studio 60 (Ed Note: Hopefully the video above works) there's a big speech delivered outlining exactly what is wrong with television today and that reason is precisely why Studio 60 never found an audience. Oh well, we still have half of a season sitting in limbo somewhere, so its entirely possible that they'll bring it back later on in the year and people will actually watch it then. Frankly I don't care if people watch it, I just want to be able to watch it again.

Secondly, speaking of shows about SNL-style shows, how fucking funny is 30 Rock? I mean seriously, there are times I'm watching where I have a very legitimate fear of suffocating from the never ending stream of laughs pouring forth from my mouth. (Ed Note: What imagery!) Alec Baldwin is always hilarious ("It's after 6 Lemon. What am I a farmer?"), Tracy Morgan is 90% funny ("TELEVISION ON! PORNOGRAPHY"), Tina Fey is consistently humorous ("Do the worm! Now say 5 reasons why I'm better than you... Yeah that's right I read the newspaper... And you do the crab. Now fight the worm!") and even the secondary characters are laugh out loud funny ("Or maybe.. I could call him as Christopher Walken"). Heck I don't think there's a not funny character on this show. (Ed. Note: This is where I'd link to a video but Youtube doesn't seem to have any good ones for 30 Rock.. and I'm lazy)

Which brings me to point number three. I have an apology to make to The Office and Scrubs. I still like watching both of you, and you're both funny (Ed. Note: The Office is a funnier than Scrubs, Sorry Scrubs) but now I think 30 Rock is the funniest Thursday night comedy. I'm really sorry and I hope we can still be friends.

There, I think that's enough pointless TV rambling. I'll leave you, dear reader, with a list of 5 Television shows I watch every week when they're on and if you watch too you will automatically be my friend (Ed Note: If you watch 3 out of the 5, you still have a pretty good shot):

  1. 30 Rock
  2. The Office
  3. Scrubs
  4. Heroes
  5. Buffalo Sabres Hockey on MSG (Ed. Note: Here I'm cheating)

Goodnight everyone. And good luck.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Nussy-Female Omnifornication Paradox

A friend of mine pointed out an interesting phenomena that is frequently occurring in my life. We shall call this the "Nussy-Female Omnifornication Paradox" (Ed Note: Thank's for the name Brian!)

The insistence on all of my friends wanting me to "get with" (Ed Note: We're aiming for a PG rating here) any and all women. No matter what the scenario, if Nussy and a girl are going to be within proximity of one another Nussy should be doing this chick (Ed Note: PG-13 it is). Hell proximity isn't even an issue. As long as someone thinks of or sees a girl, on television or otherwise, it won't be long before someone demands that Nussy fucks them (Ed Note: Welcome to the R rating, folks!)

I think the worst part about this "scientific" phenomena is that, while women also share in this phenomena, they all want me to hook up with a different woman. Seriously, I'm getting no where. And I think everyone's vocal insistence isn't helping matters either. Hence the paradox. It's like the opposite of a self fulfilling prophecy. Instead of me taking steps that will inevitably lead to a fulfillment of the prophecy, the mere thought and constant mention of it drives me further and further from the ultimate goal. It's quite the quandary.

And finally, I would like to thank The Drive 100.5 for reminding me how much I can't stand Oasis. To paraphrase The Big Lebowski:

The Dude: Jesus, man, could you change the channel?
Cab Driver: Fuck you man. If you don't like my fuckin' music get your own fuckin' cab!
The Dude: I had a rough...
Cab Driver: I pull over and kick your ass out!
The Dude: Come on, man. I had a rough night and I fuckin' hate [Oasis], man!

So I leave you all with this cover of Wonderwall by Pavement, sung "out of pure enmity". Listen!