Monday, February 05, 2007

Nussy-Female Omnifornication Paradox

A friend of mine pointed out an interesting phenomena that is frequently occurring in my life. We shall call this the "Nussy-Female Omnifornication Paradox" (Ed Note: Thank's for the name Brian!)

The insistence on all of my friends wanting me to "get with" (Ed Note: We're aiming for a PG rating here) any and all women. No matter what the scenario, if Nussy and a girl are going to be within proximity of one another Nussy should be doing this chick (Ed Note: PG-13 it is). Hell proximity isn't even an issue. As long as someone thinks of or sees a girl, on television or otherwise, it won't be long before someone demands that Nussy fucks them (Ed Note: Welcome to the R rating, folks!)

I think the worst part about this "scientific" phenomena is that, while women also share in this phenomena, they all want me to hook up with a different woman. Seriously, I'm getting no where. And I think everyone's vocal insistence isn't helping matters either. Hence the paradox. It's like the opposite of a self fulfilling prophecy. Instead of me taking steps that will inevitably lead to a fulfillment of the prophecy, the mere thought and constant mention of it drives me further and further from the ultimate goal. It's quite the quandary.

And finally, I would like to thank The Drive 100.5 for reminding me how much I can't stand Oasis. To paraphrase The Big Lebowski:

The Dude: Jesus, man, could you change the channel?
Cab Driver: Fuck you man. If you don't like my fuckin' music get your own fuckin' cab!
The Dude: I had a rough...
Cab Driver: I pull over and kick your ass out!
The Dude: Come on, man. I had a rough night and I fuckin' hate [Oasis], man!

So I leave you all with this cover of Wonderwall by Pavement, sung "out of pure enmity". Listen!

1 comment:

Eric said...

oh nussy...i'll never stop rooting for you. someday it'll happen and even that won't stop me from reminding every girl in the world how single you are.