More Television Shows

I realized in my last television blog I promised to talk about more TV so here's a couple more shows I enjoy watching:

Weeds! Oh man Weeds is a good show. Its too bad its only on Showtime so I have to result to less respectable means to watch the newer seasons that aren't out on DVD yet. For whatever reason I get this weird craving for a morally ambiguous substance after watching a bunch of episodes in a row. That may be Kevin Nealon's fault. Anyway, this show is smart, funny, and did I mention Mary-Louise Parker is a smoking MILF?

Pushing Daises is also an awesome show. It's like they took everything awesome about Tim Burton movies and turned it in to a television show. (Ed Note: No Johnny Depp, however). If any of you have watched Wonderfalls (Ed Note:All 5 of you), the main character is Jaye's Brother. And he can bring people back to life and promptly return them to death, with a touch of his finger. What's not to like? Luckily ABC ordered a full season of this show so we'll get at least 20 something episodes, instead of the 6 episodes of Wonderfalls we got. Oh yeah and the supporting cast is pretty easy on the eyes as well.

For the last time, They're NOT REAL PEOPLE!

People always ask me why I hate Harry Potter, when I generally enjoy various works of fantasy, such as Lord of the Rings. Mostly its because I think Lord of the Rings is a well written series of fantasy books for adults (Ed Note: Not to be confused with "Adult Fantasy" books) where as Harry Potter is a a series of books written for children. But mostly its the rabid fan base. I have no problem with sports fans, I have no problem with console fanboys, I have no problem with most people that go to conventions for comics or science fiction stuff. Where I draw the line is when people start acting like characters in stories are real.

The throngs of people asking JK Rowling questions about the characters as if they were living people is getting ridiculous. The books are over "What are the characters doing now" is not a legitimate question. The answer is "They ceased to exist." This past week it was "revealed" that Dumbledore "was gay." I just assumed they were talking about the guy who played Dumbledore. You know because he is a real person. No instead they were talking about the character. How this is headline news is beyond me. Take the following choice interview quote on the matter:

And a spokesman for gay rights group Stonewall added: "It's great that JK has said this. It shows that there's no limit to what gay and lesbian people can do, even being a wizard headmaster."

That's literally the dumbest thing I've ever heard anyone say, ever. Excuse me? You needed a FICTIONAL character. A completely fabricated made up person to show the world how awesome gay people are? Real gay people aren't good enough? And people gasped/cheered? He's NOT REAL! Oh man, I can't wait until I break racial and ethnic barriers with my new book. It's about a guy who discovers a cure for aids, fights Bin Laden, and then rescues the President's daughter. After everyone reads it I'll "reveal" that he was really a Black Jew! Oh how tolerant and ground breaking I am! He'll also have three arms, but that's neither here nor there. It doesn't matter because its a book that I'm making up!

Freddie Mercury is so much cooler than Dumbledore anyway

I'll leave you with this wonderfully hilarious quote from The Onion (Ed Note: Thanks, David)

"Wow. I haven't heard that. I've been really busy lately not caring about the sexual preferences of fictional people."

The 5 most offensive/disgusting things on the Internet

Beware loyal reader (Ed Note: Sadly, not a typo), but todays list of things should not be explored, Googled, or seen and are thus not linked to. This is a journey of only the strongest of stomaches and pure of hearts. And yes I'm aware that there are probably worse things, it is the Internet after all. I ask that you don't share these things in the comments; with links anyway. I suppose words wouldn't hurt.

Anyway before this introduction turns into a ramble, I present to you The Five Most Offensive/Disgusting Things on the Internet (net net net). (Ed Note: We couldn't afford Will Arnett to read that for you, but just use your imagination)

5) Lemon Party - It's old dudes. Old gay dudes. I mean its not that shocking or offensive. But its old dudes, naked and that amount of wrinklage... pretty bad.

4) Goatse - Goatse was THE disgusting image to link to but lately its been outdone. Its some dude who likes to stretch out his ass. Really, kind of tame compare to the top three.

3) Tubgirl - I didn't look at this picture long enough to figure what the fuck is going on exactly but its disgusting. According to Wikipedia, somethings coming out of her ass. Moving on.

2) Cats with dumb fucking captions - Seriously, enough is enough Internet. Finding adorable pictures of cats was ok, everyone loves cute animals. But these pictures of cats with "funny" captions is just wrong. Oh look how cute it is, the words are misspelled. Fuck you, Internet, its dumb and it makes me sick. And if I see one more caption that starts with "I'm in ur[sic]..." I'm going to find you and I'll be killing your dudes (Ed Note: And by dudes I mean testicles).

1) 2 Girls, 1 Cup - Two girls who apparently care very deeply for each other take a cup... and put stuff into the cup... then empty the cup... then put stuff in their mouth... then empty their mouth... Um, just don't ask. And for gods sake do not find the video and watch it. You can't unwatch it. You just can't. You also won't be able to eat anything for a couple of days, and you'll be lucky if you're able to get an erection for the next week.

And that my friends is a scary list indeed. Again do not attempt to seek out these things, they do not leave you and you will be scarred. (Ed Note: Especially #2.)

When an internet meme folds back on itself...

Alright dear readers I'm going take you on a guided internet trip to guaranteed funny (Ed Note: If you don't laugh its not our fault, its yours).

Anyway, if you're not familiar with it, start out by watching the scene from The OC where Marissa shoots Ryan's Brother (Ed Note: SPOILER ALERT Alerters can suck it, this falls under statute of limitations). And then watch the SNL spoof of it, Dear Sister. Now this is about when the internet exploded with spoofs of the spoof. You've got The Lion King, Looney Tunes, 300, Lord of the Rings, The Office, even Duck Hunt the list goes on forever. Take your pick and watch about 5 to 8 of them. I really like this Step by Step one for some reason

Now here comes the punchline, Ready? Go back and watch the original clip from the OC. It has become a parody of itself!

Oh my, Nussy loves himself self referential/meta humor.

Why oh why?

I'm going to write a blog eventually about what it truly feels like to be me, and by extension a Buffalo sports fan, but I feel that's too narcissistic too soon. (Ed Note: Also I'd break down crying and I don't want to visit that place quite yet) Instead I'll leave you with some choice remarks about this evenings sporting event (Ed Note: And My remarks about the remarks):

(Screen names "modified" to protect the innocent)

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monkeyshine35: i hate being a buffalo sports fan

(Ed Note: Straight and to the point)

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Nu SS y1 66: ESPN just demonstrated EXACTLY how it feels to be a Buffalo fan
SOCceR145: i
SOCceR145: no words
SOCceR145: i got nothing

(Ed Note: Being speechless is a common reaction)

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adp8rit: go bills

(Ed Note: His dry sarcasm hurts the most)

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Nu SS y1 66: That was like watching a literal metaphor sink a giant shipping vessel
chriswro: yea i havent known how to feel for the last 30 mins

(Ed Note: And your esteemed author confuses similes and metaphors in confusing ways)

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Nu SS y1 66: As your older brother I feel I should say something to you in a time like this
Nu SS y1 66: but I've got nothing
nusisloo: i'm gonna start cutting myself
nusisloo: right now

(Ed Note: Self mutilation and suicide is never the answer, even when it seems like the only one.)

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PolandRules1: i just want you to know, i dont wanna talk about it

(Ed Note: Winner)

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If anyone else wants to contribute, there's that "Comments" section to post in.

UPDATE: NOW WITH FACEBOOK

(Ed Note: Click for larger. Ignore the red striped one, its an outlier)

"Jim and Pam are together and 30 Rock is back. The Only Thing that can make this day better is ice cream."

Alright, I promised I'd write about something. And since my life is pathetic I decided to write about television. Television, that one glimmer in an otherwise dull and lifeless world.

So first things first. Jim and Pam, together at last. Could there be anything more adorable? The way they hold hands in last place, the way they affectionately display PDA's publicly next to the vending machines? What's not to love?

MARRY ME!

Alright, before I take this blog down a path less manly, lets discuss other aspects of The Office. Like how fucking funny it is so far this season. I'm liking Dwight more and more with each episode this season, Kevin took it up a notch in the premiere and Ryan became, well, kind of a dick. Seriously, he thinks he's so special, too bad he can't get any girl.

Well damn, maybe he can get any girl.

This brings me to my next topic, 30 Rock is baaaaack. Which means more Alec Baldwin, more Tina Fey, more Will Arnett guest starring (One can only hope) and more Katrina Bowden. Oh Cerie , I forgot how fucking gorgeous you are. Like seeing some chick you had a crush on for the first time in a long while, my heart was set a flutter when she arrived on screen. And I know what you're thinking, its ridiculous that I'm focusing so much on two hot chicks instead of the ridiculously funny shows they're both on. Well guess what, YOU'RE RIDICULOUS! You big stupid jerk, with your big stupid face!

Anyway, as far as new shows go, Journeyman seems pretty interesting, and I'm always a sucker for time travel so this will get my viewing time after Heroes (Ed Note: And yes I still watch Heroes even though I find the plots stupid and predictable. And no it has nothing to do with Kristen Bell joining the cast. I just really like comic book stuff.)

Dear Kristen Bell, I'm sorry I never watched Veronica Mars I always meant to.
Will you still love me?

But what is with all the nerd shows coming out? Chuck, The IT Crowd (Ed Note: Is this even out yet?), The Big Bang Theory... all of which have some smoking hot chick that most likely eventually falls for one of the nerds because he's "so endearing". Apparently I'm not the only one noticing this trend, Ken Levine weighs in on it as well with a hilarious scenario. The whole thing pisses me off, here's an example of why:

Real Hot Chick Watching Show: Aww their so cute, I can see why she likes them. I bet they're really nice too. I'm going to go bang some hot guy now and never actually talk to anyone that looks like that, because that would just be weird.

Really, I could go on and on, but I'll let Ken do it for me. Click that link!

Tune in next time, true believers (Ed Note: Please don't sue, Stan Lee) as I regale you with tales of utterly excellent television shows that may or may not contain hot chicks (Hint: One of them contains a MILF). And possibly things other than television (Ed Note: Movies perhaps?).

I'm going to write in here more

I'm going to write a blog soon, I promise. It will be about television and how awesome it is. It may also be about how pathetic my life is that I have to live vicariously through television. We'll have to see.

(Isn't the suspense killing you?)